no chip on MY shoulder

"you've got a chip on your shoulder."  what a heartless way of invalidating somebody's experience of inequality.  it's pretty much like 'let me ignore your life in one sentence.'  i've never heard a white straight able-bodied rich man be told he's got a chip on his shoulder....  the saddest part is, this bs response to my hurt and anger and exposure of my pain made me question my own lived experience.  and it came from someone very close to me.

so let's set the scene.  a close friend told me that she was in a secret society at our elite college.  you know, the kind that had infamous ties to the klan, kept women out of positions of power even after they clawed their way to the top of these schools, tried to retain the power of the social elite after colleges begrudgingly gave out financial aid, etc.  i told her that the fact that this society still existed was the most effed up thing i had heard in a while.  she got offended (as if i hadn't been by her telling me she was in it) and told me that the purpose of the society was to improve community at our school.  so i told her why it made me so angry, and why it made no sense.  that secret societies were built to keep people like me from making decisions about superstructures that affect their lives.  that they provide networking to keep social resources in the hands of the few.  and that open access is the only way to heal and build trust in a community with a history of discrimination.  she had the nerve to tell me that 'i had a chip on my shoulder.'  the worst part was that i questioned myself for a week after this happened.  maybe i am just too sensitive.  maybe it's in my head.

2 days later, we fought about it.  she then told me that if i had been invited that i would have joined - i was just jealous.  i feel like this was a gift from heaven since i KNEW that that was false.  but i wondered what would have happened to my psyche if she hadn't slipped at that point.

luckily, i'm a fighter.  i'm not giving up, and i'm not going to stand for anyone else being told their experience is less important than maintenance of power.
'you've got a chip on your shoulder' is code for 'i know that i fucked you over but i prefer not to be reminded about it.'